Thursday, July 30, 2009

What if there are no women in the world????

One says that Adam got bored and asked God to give him a companion. Some say, God wanted Adam to sacrifice his one leg and one hand at the altar, if he wanted a companion. And when Adam requested God to give him somebody for whom he will only have to sacrifice a rib, God sent a woman. None of this can be believed.

Here is the truth: God made man and finding himself in good form…came up with a better creation – the woman. (Did I just hear the ladies clap?)

Anyways….I was wondering what would have happened if God didn’t make woman for man. Thus, all men were left to fend for themselves. Scary shit. Think about it….

Who would be our first crush? How would we spend our exam nights planning on how to propose the girl? How would we anxiously wait for that ‘yes’ from the girl? How will we become fathers? Who will tell us the good news that we are about to become fathers? For who will we sit outside a gynecologist’s and imagine a conspiracy theory being hatched against us? With whom will we walk in the evenings? Whenever we pass by a bakery, whom will we stop for? For whom will we shop? And the questions go on.

Now for the real Male Chauvinistic Pig part. Who will make tea in the morning and wake us up with a sweet smile? Who will scold us for taking the newspaper inside the washroom? Who will nag us to take bath early? Who will call up the office when we are down with fever? Who will iron our clothes when we are in a hurry? Who will wave at us when we race our bike/car towards the office? Who will be ready with piping hot coffee when we go back home? Who will help us with the washing machine? Who will make that tasty coconut chutney you like with your dosas?

Needless to say, with no woman in this World, life wouldn’t be the same. Imagine living with another man in your house. Scary! We all would be gays…and wonder how the human race will propagate. Perhaps…we would have found out a way to make test tube babies…but even then where would be egg come from? Gorillas? Wouldn’t that make the Human race huge and hairy?

On Saturday nights…the pubs and clubs would be full of men trying to woo each other. The only advantage as I see would be…we wouldn’t have to buy mock-tails, ice-cream and pop-corn to impress!!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Koffee with Riya

This incident occurred precisely on 22nd April early morning at about 4:40 am. Yes, at this time. We had just wrapped up our work and were sitting casually chit chatting about life, friends and all other things. And while discussing all such things, Mahi got this idea of grilling each of us with some of the weirdest, bizarre and personal questions to each of us and that includes Me, Mahi, Riya, Sahil and Niyati.

No one was ready to go first so we decided to come to a conclusion by drawing cue cards and by their good luck and my bad luck, I was the chosen one. Niyati was the first choice to ask questions but she somehow wanted to avoid asking me the questions, Sahil is too friendly to go into depth of my life and that left us with Mahi and Riya. Riya jumped to this opportunity to probe into my life (well she never misses any opportunity like this).

So people, here are the questions which were thrown to me in what was perhaps the best conversation I had with someone in my life and ironically with the best girl I have ever known.

Here it goes:

1. Last beverage? Coffee

2. Last phone call? Anu

3. Last text message? Sheetal

4. Last song you listened to? Main ja rahoon from Namaste London

5. Last time you cried? Last nite…

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice? No

7. Been cheated on? Never

8. Kissed someone & regretted it? No

9. Lost someone special?? Yes

10. Been depressed?? It would have to be the one constant thing in my life.

11. Been drunk? Never

About the film:

12. Title- Not yet decided

13. Person without whom the film would have been incomplete- Niyati

14. Best part of the film- my team entire crew

15. Most hilarious moment while filming- scene shot in Lonavala between me and Niyati when I go to escort her to her room and the other one between you and Sahil shot outside Mithibai College.

16. Most challenging part to shoot- the climax and laila o laila track

17. Persons you would like to thank for their contribution to your film- there are many like you, Niyati, Sahil, Sheetal, Shonali for the outstanding dress designed for the laila o laila track, Ashwin lights and equipments than various other authorities too.

These Past Year Have You:

18. Made new friends? Yes, many and perhaps life long friends.

19. Fallen out of love – no

20. Laughed until you cried – last week

21. Met someone who changed you? Yes

22. Found out who your true friends were? Yes

23. Found out someone was talking about you? Yes

24. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list? No


Truth:

25. How many kids do you want to have? If it were up to me, one..but it would depend on my partner too

26. Do you want to change your name? No.

27. What did you do for your last birthday? Nothing really.

28. What time did you wake up today? 6 AM

29. What were you doing at midnight last night? Playing NFS.

30. Name something you CANNOT wait for? Peace

31. Last time you saw your father? Some hours ago..

32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? Nothing.. or maybe everything.

33. What are you listening to right now? Listening to you.

34. Do you have a crush on someone? No.

FIRSTS:

35. First kiss- long time back.

36. First tattoo- not yet

37. First best friend- is working right now in a night shift

38. First sport you joined- swimming

39. First pet → never had any pet.

40. First vacation→ I don’t remember

41. First love →family.

42. First crush→ school teacher

43. First alcohol drink – can’t recollect

RIGHT NOW:

44. Eating → nothing

45. Drinking → coffee

46. I’m about to → sleep

47. Waiting for → your questions to get over.

YOUR FUTURE:

48. Want kids? yes

49. Want to get married? yes

50. Careers in mind? lots of options.. multitasking it shall be.

Your Favorite

49. Favorite food- Indian

50: Favorite holiday destination- London (never been there yet but it somehow looks inviting)

51. Favorite city in the world- Mumbai

52. Favorite pastime- swimming

53. Favorite sport- cricket

54. Favorite pick up line- Do you believe in love at first sight or should I pass again?

55. Favorite car- BMW

About opposite sex:

56. Love or arrange marriage? Love cum arrange

57. Lips or eyes? Eyes

58. Hugs or kisses? Both

59. Spontaneous or planned? Hmm…..both

60. Short or tall? Tall

61. Older or younger? Younger

62. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive

63. Love or lust? Love

64. Tattoos or piercing? None

65. Trouble maker or hesitant? Trouble make….thats always more fun

Have you ever:

66. Kissed a stranger? No

67. Drank hard liquor? No

68. Sex on first date – No

69. Broken someone’s heart -yes

70. Had your own heart broken - yes

71. Been arrested? No

72. Turned someone down - yes

73. Cried when someone died - Yes

74. Liked a friend that is a boy- No

Do you believe in:

75. Yourself → yes

76. Miracles → yes

77. Love at first sight → yes

78. Heaven → yes

79. Santa Claus → yes

80. Kissing on the first date? → no

81. Angels – yes

Answer truthfully:

82. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes

83. Had more than one girlfriend at one time? No

84. Do you believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever? Yes!

85. What’s the one thing you cannot live without? Peace

86. who’s the most awesome kid ever? it would have to be me.

Random:

87. Riya or Niyati? Both. It’s like choosing between 2 eyes

88. One thing you like about Mumbai- the fast pace life

89. One notion about Mumbai that you would like to change – that people are emotionless

90. If life had a rewind button- I would want to live again from the year 2003

91. One wish that got fulfilled- my friends have become one big family

92. One thing you wish from your girlfriend- that she would be my wife, mother of my kids

93. Last time you cried while watching a movie- towards the climax of Mumbai Meri Jaan

94. Last blockbuster movie you saw- Harry potter

95. Last disastrous movie- It has to be Chandni Chowk to China (and it even tops my list of worst movies of all time)

96. Any regrets in life- No

97. Any events which shouldn’t have happened- terrorism

98. Life in Mumbai or life in Pune- life in Mumbai

99. One day you wished had never come in your life- 10th march, 04

100. Your motto for living- Enjoy each day in life and live and let live

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Just a suspect!!

Watching the movie “New York” was a wonderful experience. For once, there was no candy floss with crazy twists in the story. Yet, the story seemed completely alien. For those Indians who haven’t lived abroad, the idea of being detained without a lawyer seems unimaginable. Before watching the movie, the only thing I knew about Guantanamo was what I had seen in the snapshots of CNN and BBC. Agreed, the news reports were equally devastating but I never thought the torture would be so bone-chilling. However, this also made me realize that, in India, the laws are so lenient. In USA, suspected terrorists are put through so much torture and pain. But in India, the terrorist who’s accused of killing hundreds and has been one of the masterminds of terror attacks in Mumbai on 26th November 2008 is kept like a prince in the jails!!

Indian laws clearly state that an accused can be called a terrorist, only if his crime is proved in the court of law. And this is the reason why Ajmal Kasab cannot be called a “terrorist”. Everday the newspapers carry weird news about Kasab. It seems as if the media is trying to glorify him. One day the news said that the man wants only a particular brand of tooth paste.In fact, few days back, Kasab wanted to send a letter to Saudi Arabia. When the judge asked him to whom did he wish to send the letter, Kasab refused to answer saying that it was his personal matter. In which country would an accused terrorist be given so many privileges?

The trial is taking too long as usual. Victims are called everyday to take part in an identification parade. Why does there have to be an identification parade for someone whom everyone has seen and whose face adorned the front page of each and every newspaper in the country? 11th July 2009 marked the 3rd anniversary of the train blasts in Mumbai. But the police still are rounding off people as suspects. It almost seems as if there is no respect left for human life in India.

FBI might have received a lot of flak for its strict detaining and inhuman measures in USA and the whole world. But the fact remains, that it has managed to protect USA from any further terror attacks. It is only because of the negligent and lenient approach that INDIA continues to be a victim of terror every year. Isn’t it a high time that INDIA gets a little serious about sleeper cells and suspected terrorists in the country?


If you anyone is more interested in knowing what Guantanamo is, please check the following links:


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guantanamo_Bay_detention_camp

http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSTRE56E7M320090716

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/13/us/politics/13gitmo.html?_r=1

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Curious Case of Dhaval Dhakan

Why Me…?????

Usually this is a question put to heavens by fellow miserable.

But here, this question is in different context….

Why me….it’s as in, why another blogger??

What to make of another of those self- gratifying nut jobs, arrogant enough to believe people will actually bother to read something they write??

And it will be addition to the zillion web pages that has paragraphs on home made apple pies and why someone’s girl friend ditched him even though he was the best kisser around?

The answer is I don’t know.

It could be. It may not be. I don’t want it to be. Could be even worse.

But the thing is, I am a curious case. Like many other around.

I really think a lot. Not a good idea in today’s world. Doers are king and not thinkers.

I love to watch movies where the hero is untouchable. Not the apartheid kind, man!! That sucks too. Most of trendy pals love noire, typical bollywood movies. They can’t enjoy a movie that can’t be shut into any genre.

Tell me something then,

What is rang de basanti…a love story or a social message bearer or patriotic movie or or or what is it then, they ask me???

I don’t know, but I love that movie, is what I say. I’m not sufficiently educated it what they think about me though I hold an MBA degree now.

People say I have talents. I have never proved them right or my self wrong.

I love Liverpool. Universally hated entity.

I sleep at 3. So do many of my friends. They even go further saying that at 3, it’s too early to sleep and someone says it’s too late to sleep now.

And I get confused.

Not about sleeping or not but why do I have such friends who keeps me awake.

I have been dumped. Yes, it’s true.

I don’t drink. Not even beer. Yuck, isn’t it??

I’m the production of a middle class family. Yet, one day I dream of directing a movie.

I even think Niyati is drop dead gorgeous than some ‘jolie’ girl.

Yup guys, I am weird. Weird by default. And the thing about being weird is that you have stories to tell.

I am nobody now, but I want to be somebody in future.

So just look at this page in the future as me talking to you all together.

I have already made humble beginning in the blogging world with 6 articles in about 3 weeks time and I promise more to come starting today and I would make all the efforts to come up with better and better articles all the time.

To my sister at home

To Niyati in England, who promised me to read whatever I write. See if you can take this one.

To Riya in Mumbai for applauding whatever I do.

To Nisarga in the US of A, who has been my critic, don't know how would he take this one but seriously dude, continue being my critic and I would be getting only better from now on.

To Anuj P. Kothari, my grammer teacher.

To Sahil at God-knows-where.

So read it. Comment if you like or otherwise too. Open up one yourself. I would be delighted.

Just don’t run away.

Cos we all are curious cases.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

An evening with the Unknown- Final Part

In the last part we saw how Karan and Sumit discover strange things in the motel and how Rahul gets killed following his commotion with that ols man. Now we go further to know the fate of Sumit who got trapped and the other friends. Here is the link for part 1 and part 2 respectively.




“Ooh damn, it’s a trap, kind of which is used to catch the animals,” I said. “What the hell is it doing here?” I tried to figure out the way to release Sumit’s foot. The claws of the trap had pierced into his left foot and blood was oozing out rapidly.

“This whole place is freaked out. I wish we had never stopped here.” Sumit said as he struggled to free himself from the trap.

“It’s not your wish that decides things here. You were destined to come here because I wanted to meet you all.” A regal looking man who was dressed in what seemed to be a long velvet robe spoke in a cheerful voice. He seemed to have appeared out of thin air.

“Oh my God! Where did you come from?” I almost fell back at the sudden appearance of that man.

“I was very much here, but you did not realize my presence. It happens like this always.” The stranger smiled.

“Can you please help me free him? We want to go to our suite.” I asked him.

“Free him? You want me to free him from this trap? I’ll surely do that. The man smiled sinisterly and pulled out an axe from his robe.

“What are doi..?” and I was silenced by chopping sound and the shriek which echoed in the corridor.

“Now he is free from everything just like your friend Rahul.” The man said as he disappeared into thin air.

Sumit lay in front of me minus his head. I had no chance of asking him about he did to Rahul. But I feared the worst must have happened.

In the suite, Aarti and Ashok tried to console Lavanya.

Lavanya went to drink water and opened refrigerator. There was no water in it. She heard water flowing from the tap in the bathroom. She went in to the bathroom but there was no water on the floor. She opened the tap but there was only hissing sound and no water came out from it. She realized that her finger got tucked in to the tap and she could not move from there.

“Ashok, Ashok help me” her cries for help made Ashok dash for the bathroom.

Suddenly water started flowing out of the tap and Lavanya slipped and fell in the bath tub and started to get drown in the spinning water. Ashok froze at the bathroom because he saw rapidly spinning Lavanya getting drowned by unknown forces.

“This can’t be true. I am again having a nightmare.” He said it to himself.

“You seem to have a problem with nightmares. Don’t you?” the voice of the same man who had met me and Sumit in the corridors made Ashok even more scared.

“Who are you?” Ashok asked.

“I am James. I built this place.” The man said proudly.

Suddenly everything was silent in the bathroom and water was calm as it should have been but there was no sign of Lavanya.

“What happened to Lavanya? What is going on in this place?” Ashok cried as he spoke.

“She is at peace just like your other friends. Now you should also join them.” The ghost named James said as he wielded his axe once more.

Ashok could not even scream and lifelessly rolled onto the floor.

Aarti fell on the floor when she saw Ashok and there was no sign of Lavanya in the suite.

I was startled to see the door of my suite ajar and the sight of Rahul’s body in the middle of the room and an unconscious Aarti lying on the floor made my head spin and I almost threw up when I saw Ashok lifeless body slumped across the bathroom door. Suddenly I heard Aarti mumble something.

I shook her vigorously and after couple of minutes she opened her eyes. She saw me and after giving fleeting glance across the room, hugged me and cried loudly.

“He killed Rahul.” She cried.

“He has killed everyone else. But I haven’t seen Lavanya. Tell me what happened here.” I asked her.

She narrated the entire incident to me.

“Let’s get out of here Karan. I don’t want to die. Please let’s go.” She cried.

“Yes Aarti, let’s get out of this place immediately.” I grabbed her and pulled her onto her feet.

“That’s so nice and compassionate of you Karan. But, how do you exactly plan to get away from me?” James’ voice boomed in the room.

He was standing in the middle of the door and he wielded his axe dangerously.

“Why do you want to kill us? What have we done? Please leave us James.” I pleaded with him.

“What have you done? You want to know your fault? Sure I have waited for fifty years for this moment. Sure I will tell you before I send you to hell.“ Just look into my eyes Karan and you will know everything. You will know why you all had to come here to die" James said.


I looked into those dark cold eyes and as soon as he established an eye contact, I was transformed into another world. I felt as if my head was spinning and everything turned dark around me and after what seemed like eternity, the spinning stopped and I found myself in the very same suite. I was startled to see myself, my friends and James sitted on a sofa and on the table in front of them were laying several wads of currency notes and a small pile of glittering diamonds. We all had wine glasses in our hands and James looked the happiest of the lot.

“Congratulations on the success of Mission Alpha, dear friends. We have done it and here on this table is the wealth which took us five years to get.” James addressed all of them.

“Hey James, let us settle the accounts quickly, I can’t just wait to become a millionaire.” The girl who resembled Lavanya said eagerly.

“Sure Lilian, I have it all sorted out. All of you are entitled to ten percent each which means rupees 1 crore each” James said.

“What? Only ten percent? You will keep the remaining 40%, am I right James?” the guy who looked like Rahul spoke.

“Yes, you are right Albert. However, you must not forget that it was entirely my plan and all the expenses incurred in carrying out the plans were met by me. You all were only hired by me to assist me. I had clearly told you all that you won’t be getting more than ten percent each so why are you trying to create an issue now?” James looked displeased at this argument.

“You know something James, that agreement is cancelled now and we all are getting 1/6th of the total amount each.” Michael alias Ashok spoke.

“What about me Michael? Don’t you think that I also exist?” James said angrily.

“Yes you do James, but, after five minutes you would not be alive and after dying you don’t need any money.” Peter alias Sumit said as he took out a gun from his pocket.

“What are you guys up to? You cannot deceive me and kill me like this! We have been friends since childhood and I don’t deserve all this. Have mercy on me!!” James pleaded with them.

“Sorry James. There is nothing called compassion or sympathy in our work. Goodbye James and may your soul rest in peace.” Peter laughed as he pumped three bullets into the body of James.

“This is not finished. I will be back guys and you all should dread the day when I come back for my revenge.” James said before his body stopped moving.

They all laughed and were happy that they were richer by several millions now. They immediately dug up a hole in the basement of the motel and buried James’ body there.

“He is free to enjoy the luxuries of his motel. Let’s go guys.” Rose resembling Aarti said.


I suddenly came back to my senses and the past was no longer there and I saw an axe wielding James staring at me wildly and looked even more threatening. I glanced around and the dead bodies of Ashok and Rahul made me aware of the reality.

“Now are you aware of your crimes Karan?” You know how you and your friends deceived me. I have waited for fifty years for this revenge Ashok. Your reincarnation is a proof that God wanted to give me justice.” James shouted.

“You cannot stop me James. I will take Aarti out of here.” I said and leaped at James. James grabbed my collar in mid-air and shook me off to one of the walls.

As a result of James’ grabbing my collar and throwing me to one side, my shirt was torn off and my Hanuman locket was exposed. James saw the locket and shouted.

“Oh no, where did you get this from? Take it off and I will not kill you!” James pleaded.

“Hmmmm, so you are scared of my locket? I am going to take her away now and you know you cannot stop me.” I said and felt relaxed and confident on knowing James’ weakness.

“She won’t go out of this place alive.” James said as he flung his axe onto the chain which held the overhead chandelier.

“Oh no,” I shouted and ran immediately towards her and jumped upon her and overturned to save her from the falling chandelier.

“Damn,” James shouted in anger.

I knew that this was our only chance to survival since I was wearing the locket and till then James could cause no harm to me at least.

The commotion caused by the chandelier’s fall gave me few seconds and I managed to veil Aarti behind the huge ancestral couches and came out to face James. I knew in my mind that I had Almighty on my side but I will have to get rid off James so that we can get out of this house alive.

James used all his powers to get rid of the locket which I was wearing, but never succeeded. Once, he punched me so hard, that I was thrown very close to the fire chimney. I took the burning wood in my hand as a protection cover from James and found that his body was very sensitive to the fire, so much so that his face skin almost melted because of the heat.

I threw that burning wood at James which missed him only by few inches and yet again he displayed his sinister smile. But I obliged too as James was never my target. I told James to just turnaround and to see for himself. The wood fell on the curtains and was on fire immediately and within few minutes, the entire suite was on fire.

James could not bear the heat caused by the fire and his body started evaporating. I lifted Aarti on her foot and jumped out of the window. There was a loud explosion later.

We don’t know what happened to us but when we regained consciousness, we found ourselves lying by the side of our hired car and sun’s rays falling on us. There was no sign of the motel or anything as such. I lost my friends but I was still alive. I kissed my Hanuman locket and drove back to the city with Aarti.



Disclaimer: All the names of characters, places and events are fictitious and bears no resemblance to any person dead or alive. Any resemblance is purely co-incidental and not real.